Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Chili update

I'm really quite surprised (pleasantly so) that after two weeks, there has not been a serious and noticeable decline in Chili's health or attitude. There have been what seemed to be a few setbacks here and there, but any time one area of his behavior seems to deteriorate, another improves. We've been back to the vet twice since the sonogram just to check in and get a professional and non-biased assessment of his current comfort level and well-being, and he seems to be doing as well as a dog in his condition can. I can usually get him to eat two small cans of his prescription food a day, plus some pieces of chicken and beef, some dried chicken breast treats, and a Greenie. That's significantly more than he's been eating for the last few weeks so I am happy. He'll only eat from my hand, and there is some coaxing involved at times, but I'm just happy to see him eating more. Although the liver-intense canned food is quite disgusting to touch and smell, I much prefer him licking it out of my palm to squirting it down his throat with a large syringe. He does too. He also prefers his meat fresh, not refrigerated and reheated. Such a picky little Princess he is. Just like his Mama... ;)

I'm doing quite a bit better as well. Although we are still on a daily basis and I feel like we're stuck in limbo, we have kind of settled in to a groove that is working fairly well right now. He goes with me everywhere these days, just like he did years ago when he was my only dog. His brother feels a bit neglected when he gets left behind, but I figure he will have plenty of special attention once Chili is gone, and he needs to get used to being alone now before his hetero life-mate is gone for good. I started seeing clients again last week and am very happy to be working again after taking a brief hiatus to deal with this situation. The first round of vet bills pretty much wiped out everything I had saved up since moving back from Canada in February in a matter of days. Yikes. So being able to get back to work and start rebuilding my finances has been a big relief. Not to mention my job is incredibly therapeutic! I spent 12 hours at the dungeon on Monday, about half of that was in session. The Mistress whose dungeon I session out of is an animal lover and knows my boys from when she sessioned out of my dungeon, so they get to go with me. That makes things so much easier on me, as I can work for hours and still keep an eye on Chili and not feel like I'm sacrificing too much of the time we have left.

The best thing to happen so far came on Sunday. While we were at the vet I asked about switching his pain medication from Tramadol to Rymadil, which is what my other dog is taking for arthritis. Where the Tramadol didn't seem to affect him much more than making him a little out of it at times, the Rymadil seems to be making him feel pretty good. He'll actually come in to the kitchen now when he hears me feeding Simon or opening a bag of their treats. That's the first interest he's shown in food in several weeks so I am extremely happy. He can only eat small amounts in one sitting, but he's actually showing interest in food again! His energy level is also significantly higher, which is really good. He's not exactly his old self, but he is noticeably more active and doesn't spend all of his time lying around. He's even barking at other dogs again when we're driving around. He still has difficulty breathing, especially if he lays on his side, but there is not enough fluid built up to warrant draining him again and he seems to be getting by pretty good, all things considered. (As I'm typing this he is gnawing away on one of their hard bones, which he hasn't touched in a while.) The difference the new pain medication is making is just astounding, and makes me feel so much better because I can tell that he is feeling better. It's more expensive, but well worth it for the peace of mind. I don't want him to suffer, but I don't want him to spend his last days in an over-medicated daze and it seemed that was what the Tramadol was doing. I want him to enjoy his last days as much as possible, to live like a king and be happy until the end. That seems much more possible now.

I'm still not ready to lose him, but I'm trying to prepare. And just cherish the time that I have left with my beautiful boy.

Thursday, May 15, 2008

My dog is dying and my heart is breaking

My dog has cancer. It took $1343 and 5 days of sitting in various vets' offices to find out what's wrong with him and that there is nothing I can do for him. That's not counting the $250 I spent on our first visit last month. I was given a weeks worth of pain medication for him that I can refill anytime, so all I can do now is try to keep him comfortable and happy in the short time he has left. He hasn't been eating much for a while and previous trips to the vet were "inconclusive". Then on Thursday night I noticed he was breathing shallow and quick, like someone who has asthma. I spent all day Friday and Saturday morning trying to get him in to a vet with no luck. By sheer luck I stumbled upon an amazing and caring vet on Saturday evening just before closing and they saw us for xrays and bloodwork right away. (Banfield Vets located in some PetSmarts are awesome!!) The xrays showed some fluid built up outside of one of his lungs that was preventing him from inhaling completely. They drained 90cc (approximately 3oz) and sent it off for testing. We returned for a follow up on Monday and I had them drain his lung again and this time they drained 330cc. We got the test results yesterday and went for a sonogram and consultation with a specialist today. There is only one mass but because of the size and location it is not likely that Chili would survive the surgery. Even if he did, the surgery would be extremely hard on him and because the fluid contains cancer cells, it is essentially seeding his lungs and the cancer will most likely reappear pretty quickly. So I don't really have many options. I'm trying to put together a farewell party ASAP as he could last a week or two, maybe a month or two. I don't want to wait until he is hurting and too sick to enjoy his party, and I know there are alot of people who will want to say goodbye to the best dog that ever lived. My heart is breaking, I am so not prepared for this.

So much for the universe smiling on me...

Thursday, May 1, 2008

Latex is hot!

I really love wearing latex!  There is just something about it - the way it clings to every inch of my skin, the way my hands slide over it when I'm shining it, the way it seals me in tight.  I even love how difficult it is to get into, the challenge makes the reward so much sweeter!  

And so I'm very happy that I got to spend yesterday afternoon shooting a video with a heavy latex fetishist who has the bank account to indulge his perversions.  slave #4 was dressed head to toe in layers of latex, including a black catsuit with a metallic blue corset and matching hood.  I was dressed in a pair of shiny black pants, black fingerless elbow gloves, and a red buckled top courtesy of Syren latex.  I allowed slave #4 to polish my latex to a bright shine then zipped him into his red latex body bag for an hour of hot, sweaty, immobilized torment.  It was so hot I was leaving puddles of sweat on my completely encased latex slut as I crawled around on top of him!  Did I mention there was an inflatable gag and some uber-sexy breath play with a clear plastic bag?  

Definitely one of the hottest scenes I've done, physically and mentally!  I can't wait to see the video...  >;)

Lately it seems

...that the universe is smiling on me. Good things keep happening all around and some have the potential to be pretty big. And it feels really, really good. Now if I could just find a place to live... :)